this year there has been a new dynamic in my relationship with Jesus, and i finally put my finger on it: i feel like He is my ex-boyfriend.
for a few years now, i've been feeling a lot of anger, and my discouragement about that has veered in and out of mild depression and definitely a struggle with unbelief.
without noticing it, i have started praying (when i pray) more to God or the Holy Spirit instead of Jesus, who i used to be all about. we used to be total lovers with a very emotional connection.
now, without those emotions, and because of my unbelief, all my favorite old Bible passages just sting when i read them. i don't believe it when He says He loves me. i *feel* like He made a fool out of me and can't be trusted. like an ex-boyfriend.
isn't that interesting! i am very interested in this passage from john 15 (which we had at our wedding):
this is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. you are my friends if you do what I command. no longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
i'm hesitant, but drawn to the friendship He offers here.
1 comment:
How do you write this stuff? Seriously, first you write about infant sleep. Then about unbelief. You are a bold woman and I completely love it. I only wish your blog would get huge so I could watch the comments section explode with internet indignation.
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