extremely unfortunate

i had an extremely unfortunate "first" last night.

i couldn't sleep.

jared was at a party and so i went to bed by myself.  i don't know if it was the cup of full caff coffee i had at 5p, the fact that i have to leave all the lights on when jared isn't home, my manic IKEA HEMNES glass -door cabinet pinning frenzy (i use "pinning" here loosely to mean "adding to my amazon wishlist"), the obsessive disaster scenarios i've been beset with during this menstrual cycle (freddy kidnapped (how could anyone bear it), our family held hostage then attacked by a grizzly bear while still tied up, never able to find amaretto coffeemate creamer again, etc), the old mascara that was burning my eyes, the Barefoot Sweet Red wine i swigged straight from the bottle while talking to my besty on the phone for almost 2 hours, OR the fact that jared hadn't answered any of my texts all evening and was already 40 mins late.

i finally called him and he picked up so i knew he wasn't dead but i still couldn't sleep until he got home 1 hr 20 mins later.

DEAR ME!

i have never ever had trouble sleeping even while pregnant.  except on my honeymoon, and i wouldn't call that "trouble"...

then just now i tried to catch a quick nap during freddy's morning nap and laid there with my eyes closed for 45 mins writing this blog post in my head.

ok, and sipping coffee (with my eyes still closed).

my heart is racing.