five minute friday

focus.  

i just put away my quiet time notebook after a very poor journaling session that involved bullet points, paraphrased books of the bible ("therefore i am now going to allure her, speak tenderly to her, how can i give you up o ephraim??!!  it was i who taught you how to walk, stooping..."  -hosea) and ending with manic thoughts about ever purging the clutter in my home.  

now five minutes of focus?  

one bullet point from my journal was a realization i had yesterday about how much i am like my dad.  one of the UNfun realizations where i'm not like him in his successes but in his foibles.  he drove me crazy yesterday b/c he dropped by for five minutes to play with his grandson but that is how short his ability is to be away from his computer.  he was telling me and my mom how he had such a bad day at work that he's going to treat himself to some sierra nevada torpedo ale (um WHAT, the timer is already up??!!).  

i was barely polite to my dear dad i am ashamed to say.  but a few minutes after he left i thought about what i had been doing while he was there...  reading blogs, unable to tear myself away from my computer.  eating tostitos chips + cheese AND a snickers.  

i have inherited his escapism.  this feeling that once a craving develops, nothing else will do but to eat the snickers, read the blogs.  

i didn't even know he was an escape artist!!  i interpreted it as entitlement.  well.  i guess that means i have entitlement issues too.  

i need to practice my focus on being in the moment.  not drafting a list of 30 days of purging projects instead of doing dishes.  not eating 2nd lunch or first treat of the day because i just looked looked at the clock and there is still an hour before naptime.  (2nd timer is up??!!!)

but more than practicing i need to pray to find a reason to focus on my moments.  a reason that might involve a Special Person?  maybe someone named GOD?