mother-of-the-bride (blast from the past post)

my sweetie-pie dad likes to buy books on special occasions. his ministry is giving books, his love language is giving books. it's a ritual for him, like buying t-shirts at sporting events. when jared and i got engaged, he bought me this book:

hm!

he bought my mom this book:

this book is telepathic. this book is either wired with a mic, or i am a schizo with multiple personalities and I AM SHARON NAYLOR!  any time during the engagement mk and i got in a fight, she would read the book, and it would KNOW. it would KNOW us, and it would fix us.

fight #1: the guest list
jared and i felt that we had a small, intimate guest list (at 250!). we gave it to our parents to approve, and tyler and mary kay approved it. but BEFORE and AFTER she approved it, my mom gave me a little bit of hell about it.
"we are paying for this wedding, so our friends should be invited. it should be us throwing this party for our friends."
"just think about the presents our rich friends can give you!"
then i added some of the people she demanded, and she approved it. then she redacted her approval. THEN she read the chapter on the guest list:
"the rationale provided by parents of brides whose guest lists were commandeered is that their clients and friends are older, more established, and would give the couple better gifts. think about that. does the bride want her friends at the wedding, on the dance floor, and in great candid photos that she will display in her home for years to come, or does she want a Lalique candy dish [i don't even know what Lalique is]."

"[...] she should not feel that the wedding is your party and her guests are just add-ons."



fight #2: i can't remember but something about addressing the invitations or the seating chart...

(i asked mk and she was outraged that i couldn't remember her crowning glory: urging us to put jared's parents' names on the invitation. and sharon naylor confirmed it. THANKS MOM! i'm very glad we did that.)



fight #3: i start to panic

one month before the wedding--when jared's mom was here for my shower, of all times!--i started freaking. i felt like i was about to marry the meanest man ever.
and i didn't want orange, i wanted purple and mustard. why did i book that crazy trashy caterer? favors-favors-favors-favors-favors-favors
and me and mk were on very short fuses with each other. very. short. fuses. she may or may not have called me bridezilla. which i was NOT... until she called me that.

then she read Chapter 14: How's the Bride Doing?
to paraphrase:

your daughter is freaking out. she can't stop experiencing racing thoughts and second guesses about all the details of the big day. she is also probably starting to see things in her fiance that scare her. guess what, she is going to take this out on you, like she always does. you have a chance to be really supportive. don't say, snap out of it or you are doing this wrong.

"do not blame her, analyze her, or tell her that she's just stressed. the last thing she needs now is you criticizing her. even if you're not actually criticizing her, she takes it as that. you have an intricate bond as mother and daughter. you know how to push eachother's buttons without even meaning to."

sharon says the mother of the bride should be a listening ear. so mk listened to sharon explain exactly how i was feeling, and i didn't have to say a word! we both cried, and it was nice, and now i'm MARRIED. so, i recommend this book.